I know the very moment my life stopped......I know where I know when what I don't know is why? or what for think i never will I rember every little detail of that afternoon i was in bed just done the last of my night shifts it was 1.36pm sunday the 6th of august i rember the sound of his moms car pulling up out side i rember him unlocking the door i rember him come up stairs the sound of his shoes on the wooden floor him standing there him nuging the bottom of the bed and saying i want to break up with you..its my fault he said i became num then shocked that this was completely out of the blue he kept repeting its my fault its the rows we have they do my head in i need some space i said i would if thats what he needed he said no....he was then sick in the bathroom i rember him reching he was sick again...i just watched him take every thing that he had moved in the week before into his bags then he was gone.... I do rember he never said i don't love you any more or i hate you..i sat there in shock in bed, the bed he slept in with me the house that he had turned up side down there was things of his all over the house a lamp here moved chairs moved there i even had most of his underwear i had the smell of him in the bed the pillows i couldn't turn with out seein some thing...I was asked if i wanted to go for a pint that eveing by a mate after i had txt'd my mate to tell them the sad news i drove into town that evening aound 7 as i drove across Leeds Bridge he was walking across towards the pub i was goin to he looked happy as though he didn't have a care in the world he was walking across with someone a lad shorter than him looked a little older they talking my heart stopped was every thing that we did a lie? did it not matter?..i parked up went in the back door went to the bar he saw me tried to act as though he hadn't seen me he at one end of a crowded bar me at the other was what he said that he needed time to get his head together a lie? was i so easly replaced? i started to ask questions of my mates there who was he? i found out they said he looked like he was showing off a new boyfiend and thats what i saw out side as i drove over my world had stopped he's contued...i got very drunk that night found out that his best mate my house mate had a short call from him the day before saying that he was breakin up with me completely out of the blue and as he said later the put him in an imposible postion stuck beween us knowing something he couldn't tell me..the next day i got a txt from him sayin he had heard that i was asking questions about the lad he was with he said he was just a mate that didn't fool me for a min i replied i got back yep he was the new fella my heart sank he said he wanted to be fiends with me i said i couldn't after what i saw...i exploded i've never felt such anger i let loose at him i said things i now reget he rang me i couldn't control my self i said what hedid to me he had done in the past to other boyfriends he would do to this one he admited he would...i'd also found out the day before from one of my onlind mates that he had been setting up dates for meets for sex they said they were shocked that he would do that since they knew that he was in a closed relationship with me and that he'd been doin that for 5 weeks before dumping me and i was completely fathfull all the time we were togther it wasn't a good week i felt let down, cheated on angry for what he had done, useless and so alone and lost i wanted to bring the world down around his ears i told him this i didn't think he knew me that well i thing i scaried him no boy friend had said to him i said it wasn't over between us he told me to say away from him i said not a chance and when i found him cheating on the new lad i would tell him no matter where he did it in the pub or on line..he then dropped all his profiles..by the end of the week my anger was still high...work was staring to worry about me i wasn't eating sleepin little the second week came my anger slowing down i stared to think i got in touch with his first ex asked him some questions about his realtionship with him i wanted to under stand why he'd done what he'd done..it was as some one said like a sudden death wanting to know why i found out that he said that he moves from victim to victim like a bumble bee and that he wouldn't stay long with them..i also found out that his ex was a not a nice bit of work manipultive using him to get what he wanted or if he couldn't then buying it or as he said buyin his love not good for a lad just comming out i thought some more then the lowest point of my life started i started crying, crying unconatlably was later told that this was grief i was told later a thought came into my head i wanted him back so much it came from nowhere i was regetting what i said a week earler by then the damage was done i appologiesd to my house mate for putting him in that place and for what i had done while the relationship was working i even appologiesd to him telling him i wanted him back and that we could work it out he turned me down flat i did get a sorry off him i offerd to meet him to talk no reply i don't think he could look me in the eye i was staring to lose wieght.. when i changed all my profiles to single it was like i was suddenly available i admit i did have some shags the sex was good but there was something missing so i stopped and only did it when i wanted to then the start of the third week i hit rock bottom my moods became black the deepest black possible i came home one night got a bottle out of the fridge, peach snaps drank half in one go and did something i will never ever do again took some pain killers i don't know where the thought came from but it did i slumped on the sofa fell asleep woke up at midnight went to bed woke up at 6am crying on his side of the bed..we excanged some mor txts he called me sad, that i should get over it an get on with yer life....how could i my life had completely stopped there was a deep hole in my chest i felt so sad and alone..i now knew how it felt when i had done it to others..so this was maybe payback?....